diff --git a/fun.go b/fun.go
index d234010..f4a6cb4 100644
--- a/fun.go
+++ b/fun.go
@@ -54,6 +54,7 @@ func reverbolate(honks []*Honk) {
 			}
 		}
 		zap := make(map[*Donk]bool)
+		h.Noise = unpucker(h.Noise)
 		h.HTML = cleanstring(h.Noise)
 		emuxifier := func(e string) string {
 			for _, d := range h.Donks {
@@ -151,6 +152,7 @@ func herdofemus(noise string) []Emu {
 
 var re_bolder = regexp.MustCompile(`(^|\W)\*\*([\w\s,.!?']+)\*\*($|\W)`)
 var re_italicer = regexp.MustCompile(`(^|\W)\*([\w\s,.!?']+)\*($|\W)`)
+
 func markitzero(s string) string {
 	s = re_bolder.ReplaceAllString(s, "$1<b>$2</b>$3")
 	s = re_italicer.ReplaceAllString(s, "$1<i>$2</i>$3")
diff --git a/go.mod b/go.mod
index 63d0423..9c93516 100644
--- a/go.mod
+++ b/go.mod
@@ -2,6 +2,7 @@ module humungus.tedunangst.com/r/honk
 
 require (
 	github.com/gorilla/mux v1.7.1
+	github.com/mattn/go-runewidth v0.0.4
 	golang.org/x/crypto v0.0.0-20190404164418-38d8ce5564a5
 	golang.org/x/net v0.0.0-20190404232315-eb5bcb51f2a3
 	humungus.tedunangst.com/r/go-sqlite3 v1.1.2
diff --git a/go.sum b/go.sum
index f4da27a..2de8af4 100644
--- a/go.sum
+++ b/go.sum
@@ -1,5 +1,7 @@
 github.com/gorilla/mux v1.7.1 h1:Dw4jY2nghMMRsh1ol8dv1axHkDwMQK2DHerMNJsIpJU=
 github.com/gorilla/mux v1.7.1/go.mod h1:1lud6UwP+6orDFRuTfBEV8e9/aOM/c4fVVCaMa2zaAs=
+github.com/mattn/go-runewidth v0.0.4 h1:2BvfKmzob6Bmd4YsL0zygOqfdFnK7GR4QL06Do4/p7Y=
+github.com/mattn/go-runewidth v0.0.4/go.mod h1:LwmH8dsx7+W8Uxz3IHJYH5QSwggIsqBzpuz5H//U1FU=
 golang.org/x/crypto v0.0.0-20190308221718-c2843e01d9a2/go.mod h1:djNgcEr1/C05ACkg1iLfiJU5Ep61QUkGW8qpdssI0+w=
 golang.org/x/crypto v0.0.0-20190404164418-38d8ce5564a5 h1:bselrhR0Or1vomJZC8ZIjWtbDmn9OYFLX5Ik9alpJpE=
 golang.org/x/crypto v0.0.0-20190404164418-38d8ce5564a5/go.mod h1:WFFai1msRO1wXaEeE5yQxYXgSfI8pQAWXbQop6sCtWE=
diff --git a/skulduggery.go b/skulduggery.go
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..fded8c3
--- /dev/null
+++ b/skulduggery.go
@@ -0,0 +1,88 @@
+//
+// Copyright (c) 2019 Ted Unangst <tedu@tedunangst.com>
+//
+// Permission to use, copy, modify, and distribute this software for any
+// purpose with or without fee is hereby granted, provided that the above
+// copyright notice and this permission notice appear in all copies.
+//
+// THE SOFTWARE IS PROVIDED "AS IS" AND THE AUTHOR DISCLAIMS ALL WARRANTIES
+// WITH REGARD TO THIS SOFTWARE INCLUDING ALL IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF
+// MERCHANTABILITY AND FITNESS. IN NO EVENT SHALL THE AUTHOR BE LIABLE FOR
+// ANY SPECIAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, OR CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGES OR ANY DAMAGES
+// WHATSOEVER RESULTING FROM LOSS OF USE, DATA OR PROFITS, WHETHER IN AN
+// ACTION OF CONTRACT, NEGLIGENCE OR OTHER TORTIOUS ACTION, ARISING OUT OF
+// OR IN CONNECTION WITH THE USE OR PERFORMANCE OF THIS SOFTWARE.
+
+package main
+
+import (
+	"regexp"
+
+	"github.com/mattn/go-runewidth"
+)
+
+var bigboldshitz = "𝐀𝐁𝐂𝐃𝐄𝐅𝐆𝐇𝐈𝐉𝐊𝐋𝐌𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐐𝐑𝐒𝐓𝐔𝐕𝐖𝐗𝐘𝐙"
+var lilboldshitz = "𝐚𝐛𝐜𝐝𝐞𝐟𝐠𝐡𝐢𝐣𝐤𝐥𝐦𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐪𝐫𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐯𝐰𝐱𝐲𝐳"
+var biggothshitz = "𝕬𝕭𝕮𝕯𝕰𝕱𝕲𝕳𝕴𝕵𝕶𝕷𝕸𝕹𝕺𝕻𝕼𝕽𝕾𝕿𝖀𝖁𝖂𝖃𝖄𝖅"
+var lilgothshitz = "𝖆𝖇𝖈𝖉𝖊𝖋𝖌𝖍𝖎𝖏𝖐𝖑𝖒𝖓𝖔𝖕𝖖𝖗𝖘𝖙𝖚𝖛𝖜𝖝𝖞𝖟"
+var bigitalshitz = "𝑨𝑩𝑪𝑫𝑬𝑭𝑮𝑯𝑰𝑱𝑲𝑳𝑴𝑵𝑶𝑷𝑸𝑹𝑺𝑻𝑼𝑽𝑾𝑿𝒀𝒁"
+var lilitalshitz = "𝒂𝒃𝒄𝒅𝒆𝒇𝒈𝒉𝒊𝒋𝒌𝒍𝒎𝒏𝒐𝒑𝒒𝒓𝒔𝒕𝒖𝒗𝒘𝒙𝒚𝒛"
+var bigbangshitz = "𝔸𝔹ℂ𝔻𝔼𝔽𝔾ℍ𝕀𝕁𝕂𝕃𝕄ℕ𝕆ℙℚℝ𝕊𝕋𝕌𝕍𝕎𝕏𝕐ℤ"
+var lilbangshitz = "𝕒𝕓𝕔𝕕𝕖𝕗𝕘𝕙𝕚𝕛𝕜𝕝𝕞𝕟𝕠𝕡𝕢𝕣𝕤𝕥𝕦𝕧𝕨𝕩𝕪𝕫"
+
+var re_alltheshitz = regexp.MustCompile(`[` +
+	bigboldshitz + lilboldshitz +
+	biggothshitz + lilgothshitz +
+	bigitalshitz + lilitalshitz +
+	bigbangshitz + lilbangshitz +
+	`]{2,}`)
+
+// this may not be especially fast
+func unpucker(s string) string {
+	fixer := func(r string) string {
+		x := make([]byte, len(r))
+		xi := 0
+	loop1:
+		for _, c := range r {
+			xi++
+			for _, set := range []string{bigboldshitz, biggothshitz, bigitalshitz, bigbangshitz} {
+				i := 0
+				for _, rr := range set {
+					if rr == c {
+						x[xi] = byte('A' + i)
+						continue loop1
+					}
+					i++
+				}
+			}
+			for _, set := range []string{lilboldshitz, lilgothshitz, lilitalshitz, lilbangshitz} {
+				i := 0
+				for _, rr := range set {
+					if rr == c {
+						x[xi] = byte('a' + i)
+						continue loop1
+					}
+					i++
+				}
+			}
+			x[xi] = '.'
+		}
+		return string(x)
+	}
+	s = re_alltheshitz.ReplaceAllStringFunc(s, fixer)
+	x := make([]byte, 0, len(s))
+	zw := false
+	for _, c := range s {
+		if runewidth.RuneWidth(c) == 0 {
+			if zw {
+				continue
+			}
+			zw = true
+		} else {
+			zw = false
+		}
+		q := string(c)
+		x = append(x, []byte(q)...)
+	}
+	return string(x)
+}